About the Past 6 months, Attachment & Bonding , other Adoption issues .......

While the past 6 months is still fresh in my mind, I just wanted to mention some of our experiences, trials and tribulations we had after Rachel's adoption. There is a reason that I rarely updated our blog after October of last year.

When we received Rachel in Chongqing in July of last year she automatically smiled her best smile and went to both Alex, I and Alex's parents without the slightest anxiety or fear and this was just fine with us after experiencing Audreys screaming fits on "Gotcha Day" in 2004. Because Rachel was just turning 10 months old, we just assumed we had been blessed with an "easy" baby. When we received Rachel in China she was literally the perfect child, she slept through every night; she never fussed unless she was hungry; and I hardly remember her ever crying. Once home this behavior continued for about two months and I remember thinking that I didn't know what all the fuss was about handling two. This was no more difficult than having just Audrey.

In late September the "easy baby" was no more. Suddenly, as if a tornado had hit, our little Rachel became this very emotional, very demanding, and constantly upset child who seemed unpleasable (She cried most of her waking hours and her feet rarely hit the floor). To make matters worse she went through about 4 months where she would reach out to just about anyone (strangers or friends), especially if she wasn't getting what she wanted from mom or dad. I don't think I have ever been so humbled in my life. Rachel would act like she was the happiest child in the world when we were out in public, but the second we were in the car or at home, she would come unglued and scream and cry unless she was held continuously. I finally came to the realization that we had some serious issues that needed to be addressed. I started reading as much as I could about bonding and attachment as well as other adoption issues. I just focused 150% on Rachel and her needs and tried not to let my emotions come into play as much as possible. Initially, when Rachel started "pleaing for help", I wasn't there for her like I should have been. I just couldn't believe that our "perfect child" was now completely out of control and I felt helpless for quite some time. Even after I realized what some of Rachels problems were and had found ways to help her, I still wondered if she would ever bond the way that Audrey had and if she would ever trust and love me the same way......

I am here to tell you now that she has and the transformation in Rachel is nothing short of miraculous. She will now hug me tight whenever she can and calls for me whenever she is feeling insecure or just needs affection. Until the past couple of months, Rachel didn't wan't any affection unless it was on her terms and usually she just wanted to be carried around but not hugged or kissed. She will now play independently or with her sister rather than needing to be held constantly and she just appears to be so much more secure. She has also developed "stranger anxiety" over the past two months and I have never been so happy about anything. After almost 7 months home Rachel finally realizes how loved she is and that she can let her guard down. She also gets along wonderfully with her big sis now and they are pretty much inseperable. We are truly blessed.