Spilling the Beans

Well anyone who knows us knows I've been talking about homeschooling for over a year now and I seriously wanted to do this. As much as I hate to say it, the timing to start right now has been about the worst it could possibly be. Putting it mildly, our family dynamic is drastically changed since Lei came home and I'm lucky to keep my sanity just taking care of the kids much less actually teaching them. Ok, cutting to the chase, Audrey and Lei attended their first day of Kindergarten today and appeared to really enjoy it. One huge blessing that we have is that our elementary school has an ESOL department with a woman who speaks fluent Mandarin. She tested Lei today and said he qualifies for ESOL classes (I was thinking duh ;lol) Ok, enough of my sarcasm, Lei and Audrey went to school all day today and when I picked them up they were both very excited and had lots to tell me. Lei started spouting out some english and was using some pronouns which he hasn't been doing. He kept pointing to me and referring to me as "you" which was I was loving. His most memorable sentence though was "Baby Jaguar is a cat" hehe. He also kept saying "animal" so I guess that was the word of the day ! When we came home, Lei got out his folder with his work and he was so proud and tried to explain everything to me, even what he had for a snack. His teacher really knows how to treat her students because from what he told me, it sounds like they had chocolate dipped strawberries ;-) Audrey on the other hand had goldfish, poor lass ! Audrey's reaction was exactly what I had anticipated since this child is a veteran of preschool and just a wee bit spoiled ;-) Audrey of course commented on the sufficiency of the playground equipment, the fact that she would prefer to eat in the cafeteria from now on (I sent her lunch), and that she enjoyed the tour of the school, the end. Audrey expressed to me that she enjoyed her first day of kindergarten but she was a little nervous. I of course told her that it was normal to feel a little nervous the first day of school.

Rachel and I had a mommy and me shopping extravaganza, ok, well not exactly since it was just Target and Wal-mart. We played the game "I'm an only child", and Rachel was loving every minute of it ;-) We actually had several people approach us and make over how cute Rachel was which I know she was eating up. I have to mention this one crazy lady though who certainly meant well but severely stuck her foot in her mouth when she said "I just love those kinds of children". I have heard so many ridiculous comments over the past 4 years that they hardly bother me, especially when they are not meant the way they come out. Of course they do bother me when Audrey is with me, but I will say that when I have Audrey and Lei too, nobody comes up to us which I appreciate. I guess when they know the child won't understand their comments is when they feel the need to openly share what they are thinking ...

I don't want to forget to mention that when the teacher was bringing Lei and Audrey to our Van today, I was standing outside the Van and when Lei saw me he just had the biggest smile and came running up to me so excited. Tonight he asked me to carry him up to his room to go to bed and he sat in my lap while we said prayers. It's a pretty unbelievable experience to bond so strongly with someone that you don't even speak their language.

Lastly, I know I always make it sounds like Lei is perfect which in my eyes he is, but he is also a typical 5 year old and going through a traumatic transition period. He doesn't cry very often at all but he sure does have a temper which I think is amplified by the fact he can't ever fully express to us what he is mad about. The closer we get to him emotionally the more he seems to be open about expressing how he "really feels". Tonight he was acting out because he was mad at one of his mei mei's and I finally had to get really firm with him which I rarely do. I guess this just means he is officially really one of ours now ;-)

The pictures I'm posting are from just before school and Rachel riding her tricycle after we came home this morning from taking Lei and Audrey to school, and Lei in the bathtub last night. Its weird the things that come to mind when you adopt a child older. As I was helping Lei get his bath, it occurred to me that I didn't have any pics of him in the bathtub and I have so many of the girls. It's so sad that we missed his baby/toddler years, but I'm so glad we have him now !

The Transition continued ...............

Hmmmm, I was going to wait until I was rested before I posted and as you can see it's been almost a month and I'm still not rested so decided I better go ahead ;-) We are all feeling and acting somewhat human at this point which is a huge improvement over our first 3-4 weeks home. Without a doubt this adjustment period has been the most difficult of our adoptions. I totally underestimated the effect having a new 47 lb addition to the family would have on everyone. That being said, I'd do it over again in a heartbeat ! Our new son is so amazing I can't even tell you. He is very artistic and loves to draw and color, He is extremely intelligent and can print almost as well as I can, He is a perfectionist which I'm not used to but I'm liking better every day ;-), He is a serious Chinese nationalist at the age of 5 which has been interesting. He loves China immensely and speaks passionately about it whenever given the chance. As one of our travel families so perfectly put it, "He is not your typical orphanage kid". When you meet Lei you will find a child who is ahead developmentally if anything and who (other than dental care) is as healthy as his new sisters.

Lei refers to the orphanage director as "Mama" along with some chinese words which I don't understand but I find it interesting that she was a mother figure to all the children at his very small orphanage. Lei has a couple of photo albums from the orphanage and at least a couple times a week we get them out and he tells me about all of his friends and the director. I find it very unusual because he understands some of the childrens special needs and actually will explain them to me. Last night he was explaining one of his friends and showed me a picture and proceeded to mimick a cleft lip repair and even pointed inside his mouth I'm guessing referring to palate problem and swallowing. It was really mind boggling to me that a 5 year old was describing this to me. Another thing he was showing and mimicking to me was the "Gotcha" days of some of the children I had photos of that were from a couple years ago from the orphanage (other families had given to me). He would talk about their "Mama and Baba" coming from Mei Guo (America) and then he would mimick crying and I wasn't sure if he was talking about the parents crying or the babies or both. What an amazing thing for him to remember and I'm so glad he has his own Mama and Baba now :-)

The language barrier has not been easy but we have not had any major issues related to it. I'm so happy that over the past week Lei has really started taking off with his English. Because he was so proficient in Mandarin it took a little longer than we expected for him to become motivated to speak english. His pronunciation of just about anything is fantastic. The other night he came up to me and said "hummingbird" as plain as day. We have a feeder outside the kitchen window so we talk about the birds alot and he obviously has picked up on it. Also, this morning him and Audrey were playing a game and I hear him say "It's my turn". Now that he is enjoying using English, I think he is going to learn very fast. He is so self-driven and motivated to learn whatever he wants to it is scary.

Audrey and Rachel are doing really well now, but this transition has been as hard on them as anybody. Ever since we arrived home, Ms. Rachel has had some major sleep issues and we've ended up co-sleeping with her. The poor thing broke out in eczema patches all over too which she only does when she is seriously stressed. Audrey has developed a major case of premature PMS lol. She has always been my most even tempered non-moody child but as I said before, we've all had major adjustments ;-) Lei has been fairly content with the exception of getting really mad at his sisters occassionally which he gets over fairly quick if left alone.

Ok, I've said more than enough, but I'll end on a funny note. The other day someone came up to Lei at the gymnastics center and started talking to him. Audrey was standing there and she promptly intervened and told the little girl "He doesn't understand you, He's still Chinese" ;-) This may be my favorite quote of all time lol.

Above I've posted a few Pics we took before church this morning.

First Slide Show with New pics of Lei and the girls

I put this slideshow together last night using pics from our first days home until now. I used a song that another adoptive mom used recently to make a slide show of a large number of adoptive families children which I loved. I just could not resist using this song because it was perfect for our situation. I will say though that Lei loved his "big family" (what the orphanage director called his nannies and other children). He was obviously given alot of love and good care there so I doubt he will ever regret the time he spent there. He was not your "typical orphanage child" because his orphanage was in no way typical. Although the conditions were not great (ie, building and furnishing), he was definitely treated like a member of a big family verses an orphan which is why he has handled his transition to us so well once home. He was taken on lots of field trips and even playdates at a beautiful city park which we visited while with him and the director.

Yes, we are still alive ;-)

Yes, we are still alive, but barely lol ! This past week has been brutal and I wish I were exagerrating. It has not been brutal due to the jet lag although that wasn't fun either. I am here to tell you that we have all had a very healthy dose this week of sibling rivalry and major adjustment issues. I think there is light at the end of the tunnel though so I hope the end of it is close ;-) Our main clashes have been between Lei and Rachel because I think their personalities are both very strong, not to mention Rachel has just had a really hard time since we came home. If I would have known how tough our absence was on her, I think I would have taken her with us to China. Lei is doing wonderfully and adjusting just fine. He hasn't openly grieved again since we came home, but I'm sure in time he will grieve more. He is speaking some english now, but it is taking time. Tonight when it was bedtime, I said to him, "Come on Sweetie" and he promptly repeated the same thing back to me lol. He has a great sense of humor too. He is calling me Mommy and calls Audrey and Rachel by their names now, albeit yelling their names alot because they are taking his toy, etc lol. He is very comfortable with his daddy and openly says "I love you" to him all the time. He already seems to be attaching to us and tonight he kept wanting me to pick him up and hold him, all 45 lbs of him lol ;-) which of course I loved ! Our biggest hurdle right now is giving everyone enough attention so that nobody feels left out. Due to Lei's age, him and Audrey interact and play better together which I think evokes alot of jealousy in poor Rachel so we are trying to really make an effort to include Rachel in their activities as well as do some special things with her. Honestly, adopting out of birth order is probably a bigger deal than we had anticipated. We know everything will be fine eventually but getting to that point is going to be challenging. Ok, well I've said more than enough so I'll post some pictures of the crazy crew ;-)

Hangzhou Airport and Guangzhou pictures

Our Last day in China "Ming Tian Mei Guo"

This morning Lei woke up with a big smile on his face and then began watching his chinese DVDs that teach english. Our hotel room has the bedroom where Lei was watching the DVD and Alex and I were in the sitting room. Lei kept poking his head through the doors and saying english words and letters, most memorable, Banana ;-)

We all got cleaned up and ready for breakfast and Baba was in the bathroom. As Lei and I were sitting looking out the window at the skyscrapers I could only think that this would be Lei's last day in China and while I'm so anxious to return home, I can't help but acknowledge his loss. Apparently Lei and I were both having the same thoughts because I looked over at him and his lips were making the shape they always do before he gets really upset. I didn't know what to say so I first asked him if he was sad. The next thing you know he has big tears in his eyes so I thought maybe explaining that we were going home soon would help. I then said "Ming Tian Mei Guo", translated "Tomorrow America". Lei just started crying uncontrollable tears and started saying what he calls the director of the orphanage which begins with Mama. Lei had not visibly grieved since we left Hangzhou so I knew this was another positive sign. I just comforted him as much as possible and then told Baba that we needed to go ahead and go to breakfast with Lei crying. Once we got out of our room and downstairs where they serve breakfast Lei was fine and he was his wonderful sweet bubbly self. He has been so affectionate and loving today. We are blessed beyond measure.

We are going to the consulate for the swearing in so if possible I will post pics when we come back.

All our Love,

In Guangzhou and ready to go home !

We still have two full days left in Guangzhou, but I can tell you that we are completely ready to go home. The trip has been nothing short of amazing and of course nothing less than exhausting ;-) Lei is doing extremely well, but is testing us daily and always stretching boundaries. He appears to be a typical 5 year old boy in every way. I would say the language barrier has been the most challenging aspect of this adoption because Lei is so verbal and it's obvious he is frustrated with us when we don't understand him. We are able to communicate with him for all his basic needs, but he loves to tell stories, ask questions, and describe things so this is where I'm sure he feels quite isolated and lonely. He is extremely smart and catches on to everything amazingly fast so we know the language barrier won't last long, but it's still really hard now. This past week has also been really difficult because we miss Audrey and Rachel so much. I can't believe we've been away from them for so long.

I'm really feeling that Lei having his two Mei Mei's will make all the difference in the world for him. Lei looks alot like Audrey but his personality has many of Rachel's traits so I just can't wait to see them all interacting together.

Lei is really good with other children and especially with younger ones. He must have been in charge of some of the little ones at his orphanage because he is very protective and interactive with some of the younger children we've met. I have a feeling Rachel will love having him for a big brother since she loves alot of attention ;-)

Lei has been much more affectionate the past couple days letting us hold him and hug him with even an occassional kiss so we are really happy about that. I really don't think there are going to be many issues with bonding or attachment except it will of course take longer since he is older. He was clearly attached to the orphanage director and other children at Jiaojiang SWI.

Also, I want to thank all of you who have posted comments. We have been able to read your comments in Hangzhou and Guangzhou and they have been so comforting.

I'll try to post a few pics soon.

and More

More Pics

Lei's adjustment continued ....

Well It's 5:45 am or so and we are all up for the day, not my choice for sure ;-)

I'm going to where I left off, after Lei came into the hotel and decided to stay awhile. We all turned into bed around 8:30 pm. On Tuesday, our guide Jessica picked us up at the hotel at approximately 9:00 am to take us to get Lei's final adoption certificate from the civil affairs office where they were preparing it and then back to Taizhou where we had to return (a 3.5 hour drive) to get Lei's passport. Our trip to the civil affairs bureau was uneventful and we received our adoption certificate and finalized the adoption in the eyes of the Chinese, took a few pictures and we were off ! Lei mostly talked to our guide Jessica the whole time and quickly befriended her again. Lei spoke to Jessica non-stop for nearly 2 hours on our trip to Taizhou and then passed out cold and slept almost the entire remainder of the trip. Alex and I just took everything in stride knowing how difficult returning to Taizhou again would be for Lei. When we arrived in Taizhou, we met director Liu and some of the orphanage staff for lunch at a really good restaurant Director Liu had treated us to before. The lunch was delicious, but the mood a bit sad and Lei's expression during our lunch kept me close to tears the entire time. As I sit here typing this it still saddens me to think about it. But, again, we did what needed to be done, smiled as much as possible to show our sincere appreciation and headed for the gov't office where Lei's passport would be issued. Director Liu conducted herself in the most loving and professional manner the entire time and I can't say enough about how much we respect her.

It took about an hour to get all the paperwork straight and while we waited, Lei mostly talked to our guide Jessica and Director Liu. We did have one instance where Lei and I really connected as he taught me a song he knew with the hand gestures that accompanied it. I actually posted a picture where he is with me smiling as we do the gestures together and he sings this song. When it was time to leave the gov't office, Lei again resumed the saddest, most confused expression, but he resigned himself to leave with us. Director Liu hugged us both and I fought back the tears as we did what needed to be done, yet again. On the way back to Hangzhou, Lei spoke mostly to Jessica our guide and told her stories again, such as "the Monkey king", "Cinderella" and "Snow White". When he told Cinderella he put his own spin on it because he has quite the imagination. He told Jessica that when the prince tried the slipper on Cinderella's foot that Cinderella's foot stunk ;-) After finishing the stories, though, Jessica informed us that Lei was telling her that he wanted to go back to the orphanage and that if he was forced to come back to Hangzhou, he would walk back to Taizhou. Jessica spent alot of time talking to Lei and reasoning with him. She finally was able to get him to agree to to come to the hotel again, under the premise that she would be back on Thursday to see him. Alex and I were at a loss and just prayed for God's wisdom in all of this. We never have had any doubt that Lei is our son and although his feelings have been difficult to bear at times, he is an amazing child just having normal reactions that any well treated, loved child would have when he has lost so much.

I don't have time to post more now, but I will tell you that Wednesday was a major turning point and we now have the sweetest, most high energy, most intelligent, loving son we could have ever hoped for. He has accepted us :-) He is speaking some english and very well I must say. He only knows a little english and he will occassionally just blurt out spontaneously, I love you mommy, daddy ! It doesn't get any better than that.

The Wild Ride !

The subject line pretty much says it all ! The past 2 days before today were very difficult for all of us, but most of all for Lei. I believe in our attempts to make his transition to us go more smoothly, we may have in fact prolonged his grief. We spent almost 2 full days in Taizhou with Lei and director Liu before coming to Hangzhou for the formal adoption. While we loved visiting with Director Liu and spending time together with her and Lei, I think Lei was confused about everything going on. Everytime we were with Director Liu and his nannies and then we had to leave, Lei was visibly shaken and upset. His most emotional separation occured when we arrived in Hangzhou and we had lunch with the director, driver and assitant director. After Lunch the Director and staff left for their own hotel and we decided to walk up the street to our hotel. Lei was so grief stricken when we left separately from the director that he screamed and cried and baba had to pick him up and carry him the whole way to the hotel (a short walk thankfully). It truly felt like an abduction, but we did what we had to do and it was heart wrenching.

Once we got Lei to the hotel he calmed down some. In the afternoon, we let Lei watch some Dora DVDs we had brought that were in Mandarin and taught English. Lei watched these for over two hours and didn't want to stop. They took his mind off his troubles temporarily but once we turned off the DVD player, another meltdown ensued. We all went to bed at 9pm exhausted to say the least.

Monday was adoption day and we were very nervous as to how Lei was going to react to seeing Director Liu again. To our suprise Lei handled everything amazingly well with the exception that he was extremely over-stimulated and ran around the conference table no less than 100 times ;-). After the adoption our guide Jessica took us to a local market where we purchased a few things we needed and a few we really didn't. We picked up some Mcdonalds to take back to the hotel and we were suprised to find out that Lei knew exactly what he wanted, a hamburger. He ate a whole hamburger and small fries in record time lol. After lunch I decided to be really brave and take Lei swimming at the hotel pool. The swimming was wonderful and so funny because Lei thought it was like a big bath tub and proceeded to strip. I promptly explained to him that he had to wear his shorts ;-)

When we finished swimming I had no idea what I was in for. We dried off but still had our wet swimsuits underneath our clothes. I was planning on going back to the room to change, Lei had other plans. The pool was on the first floor so Lei decided to make a straight line right to the lobby doors. He went out on the front steps outside the door and refused to come in. I can't remember the last time I felt so helpless or at a loss as to what to do, but I truly believe the lord had a hand in what happened next. After about 5 minutes of pleading with Lei to come in a young chinese woman came up with her baby boy in hand and said hello. She was smiling at Lei and showing him her son. Feeling completely desperate I asked the woman if she spoke english and she said "some". I then tried to explain to her my dilemma and asked if she would speak to Lei and persuade him to come in. She spoke to Lei for several minutes and informed me that Lei said his friend was supposed to pick him up at 8 oclock. I had no idea what he was talking about at the time, but later found out that our guide had told him this and the guide was the friend, except it was supposed to be 8 oclock in the morning ! Long story short, this woman convinced Lei to go to our hotel room. I promise that things get better with this story but it takes a day or so. Lei is sitting next to me right now watching "Ultraman" on his portable dvd player. He is stopping to explain the movie to me every 30 seconds so I'm going to have to finish this post later.

Taizhou Pictures & Adoption Pic in Hangzhou